Don't Tell Me I'm Beautiful

I had a lot of things to say about that Dove ad that you and your mama have already seen but since I don't post until now, it's probably old news because the Internet travels at lightning speed. The one thing I will say is--besides the obvious glaring omission of any WOC getting camera time and/or physical beauty is not the only thing that should define you--is that when this ad meant "beauty," they meant the Western notion of what physical beauty is. And this is definitely something I struggle with--not so much now but definitely when I was growing up/hitting puberty.

A lot of what Western beauty means is, and it's reiterated time and time again in that Dove ad, is "you should be skinny," as you can see when they describe the women in a "positive" light (she is described as having a thin chin, for example). This notion of BEING SKINNY, a very Western concept, has permeated Eastern consciousness that in cities like Hong Kong (where my parents were born and raised and where I spent a lot of my childhood years), it's been getting a little out of hand.

 

The irony is that in Ancient China, if you were fat, it meant you were properly fed/had money to spend on food. Now it seems the opposite is true--if you can attain the Photoshop-thinness of supermodels who are gracing magazines and billboards, it meant that you had the time and resources to get that way. I'm not saying that some people aren't naturally slender, of course. Take my mom, who on her wedding day in her late 20s, weighed less than what I weighed at 15.

The thing is, I never really thought about my own weight unless someone else pointed it out. The relationship between fat vs thin and what's "good" and "bad" only came into play when someone else told me that I was either looked too fat or...too fat. My relatives don't really waste time in wanting to know how I got so "fat" or "You probably shouldn't be wearing that--you look really big in it." When I lost 20 pounds after a move across the States (and started walking a lot more), my aunts in Hong Kong quickly called me up and asked me what my "secret" was. I finally "looked good" to them. I had acquaintances tell me that I looked "so much prettier" after my accidental weight loss--because obviously, being at a certain weight means you're either ugly or beautiful.

 

Outfit details: UO dress, Rodarte x Target jean jacket, Target socks, Old Navy booties

And that's really what is so problematic about this Dove ad: the perception that being "beautiful" means you have to be a certain weight. I know this issue has been talked about to death and I'm definitely not adding anything interesting or insightful (more or less because I'm rambling and am clearly not an expert on fat politics). But seeing the ad and the thin privilege behind it just kind of brought it all up again for me. I definitely do not get teased as much as some other people, for sure, but the message is still there. If you're not at a certain weight/don't look like the people who are gracing our TV screens, movies, etc, you're just not pretty. And that's bullshit. You have no right to tell me I'm not "beautiful."