A Quick Guide on What Not to Say to Mixed People (and/or Anyone Else)
Sunglasses: Jil Sander // Coat: Aritzia // Shirt: Old Navy
Disclaimer: The list below is definitely not exclusive to mixed people and there is a ton of overlap with things many POC hear all the time. It is also by no means all-encompassing. I tried to limit it to a few general statements that I, and other mixed people, receive frequently!
- What are you? and other variations (Side note: "What's your nationality?" is not really what you mean and "Where are you from?" is not as sly as you think). Now, not everyone minds this one. In fact, I am perfectly proud of my heritage. But if this is one of the first questions you're asking someone, what you're really saying is, "What's your race? I need to be able to put a solid label on you before we can continue." Think about it. Ethnicity is a big part of identity, and it'll probably come up at some point - but reconsider why you're actively asking for it right off the bat. I don't ask what kind of white (or whatever else) you are. Why should it matter?
- You're so exotic looking. No, I'm not, really. Generally when this is said to mixed people, it's meant to mean we "look exotic" in comparison to, well, everyone else. Calling someone exotic is literally exoticism. This is just another way of saying someone looks different from what is "normal", and while it's meant to be a compliment, it's rather fetishizing to imply that different-looking = good-looking.
- You don't really look _________. This basically means, "You don't really look like my ingrained stereotype of your ethnicities." In this scenario, the person you're talking to is whatever ethnicity you're telling them they don't look like. Therefore, they are what a person of that ethnicity looks like. It's pretty simple.
- Oh, I thought you were ________. Same as above. Except what's up with the disappointed tone? Don't be disappointed in me: Be disappointed in racism.
- Mixed people are always so beautiful. That is statistically improbable. Not everyone gets the joy of looking like Jesse Williams or Maggie Q. I'm just sayin.
- Your babies are going to be so attractive. (and/or) You should make babies with someone who is __________. Well, first of all, thank you for your faith in my genes and my potential future partner's, but fortunately my spawn is not a biology experiment (Implied hypothesis: The more ethnicities, the better looking). If you're telling me my babies are going to be beautiful, it better be because I'm standing next to one of my many celebrity crushes and you are drunkenly wingman-ing me and it's working. (Shoot for the stars, am I right?)
- You can't get offended, you're only half. Challenge accepted. Hint: You lose. Of course I'm allowed to be offended if you're saying something offensive and/or racist. That's just silly.
- Which parent is which? This is mostly problematic for the commentary that follows the answer. Please do not make assumptions, including race related sexual stereotypes, about anyone's parents!
- That's such a good mix. As far as I know, people are not smoothies. Certain combinations are not better than others. Going off of this, please don't call mixed people "mutts". (Do I really need to explain why?)
- I'm so jealous you're mixed! This could be a post in itself, because the implications of this are heartbreaking to me: Jealousy of race or racial mix perpetuates the unhealthy idea that one is better than another. Race is something we have no control over - and while I love what I am, it comes with its problems (identity struggles are the tip of the iceberg). It should be no secret that here at Within Color, we try to remind everyone that all ethnicities are beautiful and wonderful just the way we are. Please don't ever forget you are all fabulous unicorns!
