Moments I Didn't Realize I was Asian

All I ever wanted when I was a kid was a My Size Barbie.

As a little kid, I already knew my family didn't have a lot of money. If you look through our old Christmas pictures, you'll see the same wrapped presents under the tree every year since we wrapped empty boxes to make the tree look more full (and then saved them for next year so we wouldn't waste time or wrapping paper). When the karate instructor asked my sister why we weren't doing karate anymore, she told him it was because we didn't have any money - the first month was free after all. But my eye was on the prize, I wanted that stupid My Size Barbie so I could pretend to be perfect, just like her.

So when the holidays were coming around, I begged and begged my parents for a My Size Barbie that looked just like me. I remember running around Walmart looking at the display in awe and then dove straight for the boxes. I screamed at my brothers to look at the other side to look for the Barbie that looked like me. I pushed aside the all the boxes looking for a Barbie with jet black hair and fair skin, but the more and more I pushed around the boxes, the more disappointed I got. Blond hair, brown hair, dark skin, move that shit over. I was this frantic little Asian kid just throwing around boxes while I screamed at my two brothers to keep looking, since there was no point of buying a My Size Barbie if it didn't look like me. Finally, my brothers had to tell me - Linh - I'm sorry, they ran out of the Barbies that looked like you.

As an adult now I'm just screaming. You dumb kid, did you not know you're Asian? You're not white, you're not like the rest of them! They didn't run out, they just didn't make little Asian Barbie dolls.

Is Your Halloween Costume Offensive?

 

Image courtesy of color-blinding

It's October 23 which means it's ALMOST Halloween. Halloween brings a lot of fun things: parties, candy, pumpkin-flavored everything, dressing up and being silly. But because we can't have nice things, Halloween can also bring about costumes that are tasteless and racially offensive.

Here at Within Color, we've tackled cultural appropriation before (Alicia's intro, Jen's post, and my post) but it seems important to talk about it again now that people are looking into costumes that could be seen as offensive.

LBD's and Short Stories

dress: aritzia + babaton // flats: dolce vita 

Introducing my favorite LBD, the Babaton, "Bennett" dress - 100% silky goodness. When I lived in Vancouver, every 20 something year old girl I passed on the street seemed to be adorned in Aritzia - TNA leggings, that perfect olive jacket we all know so well, and Rachel Comey ankle boots. If I could afford it, it'd be my goto place for drapey basics and silk items too, but I'll mostly be window shopping here for like, ever.

On another note, I received Junot Diaz's "Drown" short stories yesterday for my birthday - so perfect! The short stories focus on his early life as a Dominican Republic immigrant in the suburbs of New Jersey and explore issues related to identity, community, and race. Titles include, "How to Date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie" and "Edison, New Jersey", where I lived for a year!! Ok technically it was Highland Park/New Brunswick, but whatever. Yay for central Jersey. If any of you are interested, Diaz has a bunch of appearances coming up soon (mostly East Coast - some in the PNW), more info can be found here. Contributor Carla will also be focusing on more book reviews in her future posts so be sure to check in with us for those!

Interview of Madhulika of PreetiRang Sanctuary

I recently had the pleasure of visiting PreetiRang Sanctuary and was so inspired by Madhulika's wisdom and passion that I had to share her with you. She has taught me many things about Hinduism and Indian culture and has left me completely inspired.

Can you tell me a little bit about your background? Where are you originally from? What brought you to the US?

I was raised by very supportive and encouraging parents, i.e., parents did not differentiate between sons and daughters. Realizing that I am very intelligent and wanted to study Engineering, they agreed though they would have preferred that I follow the common path of getting a Bachelors’ degree and getting married.

Two more notable recollections about my parents are:

1. They always told us, “Do what you want to do and be happy that you are doing what you want to do."

2. Without telling us what to do or not to do, they made it plenty clear that anything less than one’s best is NOT acceptable. An example is, throughout school, a Bachelors’ degree and 3 Masters’ degrees, I have NEVER missed an assignment, actually never missed even one question on an assignment. I didn’t know it was possible to go to school and “face” a teacher without completing my assignment.

Our oldest taught me it’s not possible to do every assignment when he was in High School.

I remember joking with my mother after that, “You and Papa didn’t raise me right. You didn’t teach me that I could take shortcuts. You didn’t tell me I could skip assignments.” My mother laughed, “I don’t know to this day that it is possible to go to school without completing assignments and I would teach that to my children even today."

Also, I am highly influenced by the discipline, hard work and integrity of my maternal grandfather who was the Chief Justice of India. I wish I could achieve a fraction of what he did.

I am originally from Kolkata, West Bengal, India. I got married to a gentleman, settled in the USA, and had just gained admission at Yale University for a MSEE (Master of Science in Electrical Engineering) degree.

Guest Post: Rachel and the Perfect Black Jeans

I have found the perfect pair of black jeans.

Prior to this my denim collection consisted of two staples - a pair of blue Cheap Monday skinnies, which did the job until a gross rip on the inner thigh around 2 months into daily wear - not even touching on Cheap Monday's unforgivable fly problem - and a sweet pair of dark wash Dejour jeans. Which were great, but also so tight and non-stretch that it is an ordeal to do any activity in them other than stand around and collect numbers. I made the mistake of taking them when I went travelling for a month. My thighs had imprints all along the sides from walking around in them for up to 8 hours each day, lingering up until a month after I returned.

Related: If you live in Melbourne, you'll probably know of Dejour as well your local dingy tavern (the Albion is mine). For over 20 years Nam Huynh has been running a tiny shop on Sydney Rd churning out custom fit jeans like a denim beast. A pair of jeans tailored perfectly to the contours of your hot bod for a clean 50 bucks every time. Lest they start losing shape with wear you can take them back any time after the purchase and he will tighten them back up right to your liking. It is an institution I support and take advantage of whenever possible. Just don't take it as far as I have (above).

Anyway: The black jeans I've found are the Arlene model by Dr Denim. Mid-rise, perfect fit, and with enough stretch so I don't ride my bike like a duck in a diaper. Here they are in a couple of different looks.

Just Jeans $5 tee, vintage belt, Dr Denim jeans

Kookai button-down, vintage belt, Dr Denim jeans

Mexican Independence Day

Photo credit: Conde Nast Traveler

It's a very common misconception that Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of Mexican Independence. However, Mexican Independence Day is actually today, September 16th.

Also known as "El Grito de Dolores" or "El Grito", the independence celebration begins on the eve of September 15th and goes until September 16th. It is the most important national celebration and up to half a million people gather in Mexico City to celebrate Mexico's independence from Spain.

A little back story:

The Spaniards went on a conquering spree and Mexico was far from spared. After hundreds of years of having Mexican cultures literally thrown away and burned, Priest Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla became fed up. He began hosting private meetings regarding a Mexican revolution and on September 15th, 1810, he received word that the Spaniards had heard of his plans. In immediate response, Hidalgo rang the church bells to rally a small group of 600 poor farmers and townsmen. They had poorly armed themselves with rocks and sticks, and on the morning of the 16th they marched into battle full of determination--- beginning the War of Mexican Independence.

In remembrance, the Mexican President chants this National anthem:

English

Mexicans!

Long live the heroes that gave us the Fatherland (and liberty)!

Long live Hidalgo!

Long live Morelos!

Long live Josefa Ortiz de Dominguez!

Long live Allende!

Long live Galena and the Bravos!

Long live Aldama and Matamoros!

Long live National Independence!

Long Live Mexico! Long Live mexico! Long Live Mexico!

Spanish

¡Mexicanos!

¡Vivan los héroes que nos dieron la patria y libertad!

¡Viva Hidalgo!

¡Viva Morelos!

¡Viva Josefa Ortíz de Dominguez!

¡Viva Allende!

¡Viva Galena y los Bravos!

¡Viva Aldama y Matamoros!

¡Viva la Independencia Nacional!

¡Viva México! ¡Viva México! ¡Viva México!

So, next time you hear someone exclaim that they're downing their Cinco de Mayo cervezas in celebration of Mexican Independence, you can let them know what's up.

Guest Post: Dating As A Black Widow

Let's talk about dating and how terrible it can be for women of color, especially if you're a woman of color who's more into men of the vanilla variety. I blame this lust for white flesh on the Backstreet Boys, it all started with those five singing white boys. Oh, and Eminem. Anyway my dearly departed husband was white (and Mexican and Turkish) but he was a rare breed. Death sucks but one bittersweet thing about it is you find things you hadn't seen in a long time--things long forgotten--like a paper he wrote when he was a freshman in college in which he acknowledged the privilege he had as a straight white male and I swooned all over again. See what I mean when I say rare breed? So yeah, if you're still stuck on the “dearly departed” thing, the backstory is he was killed a year ago and I'm still devastated, therapy, etc. (I'm literally a black widow, y'all.) I remember thinking “I'll never find love again, who's gonna love me now, I'll never get to a place where I even wanna allow someone into my heart like that” but I got there a few months ago. I don't think I sat down and had a talk with myself about it, I just signed up for a dating site and bugged the hell out of my WoC friends (who've been amazing, bless you ladies).

Before I bore you with this next paragraph, can I just say kudos to you guys with this online dating shit because holy crap is it hard. I was already kinda prepared but whoa, it's even beastlier than I thought it would be. My husband and I got together in 2002 and were attached at the hip immediately; I mean, I knew I loved him (no Savage Garden) two weeks into the relationship and it never felt like dating to me, we were ~one~ But yeah, cut to 2012, he dies and 2013 I'm standing in front of this behemoth known as “dating” and its equally terrifying cousin “online dating” and you've got a scared Dani. “So tell us about yourself”/“Let someone know why they should message you”/“Describe yourself in less than 100 words, cite references, MLA style” and I'm like wut? I just wanna find Ryan Gosling Orlando Bloom a cute guy who's nice with good hygiene and a job that also won't fetishize me. And the whole thing screams "interview" and I HATE those things. And resumes a.k.a. your dating profile. You go on a date and tell them all your good points in the hopes that you'll get a call back or second date. The whole thing is nauseating, I just wanna skip to the end when I'm in a stable relationship but alas I cannot.

So yeah, I fill out the stupid info, upload a cute enough photo of myself and then what? Wait? I got no patience and I hate waiting (clap your hands say yeah if you correctly guessed what song that's from). Fine, I'll wait. Well, maybe I won't. Oh how nail biting! You know what though, I've been on a few dates and had my feelings hurt but I'm still trucking along. Like a good little engine. Or an idiot. Dating is hard, did I say that yet? And let's take a second to imagine how easy it is to date for white women? I know they get their share of assholes because I've seen the Tumblrs dedicated to jerky messages but come on those girls are the ideal. From birth, they (and we) are reared to believe they are IT, the holy grail, the be-all and end-all of women. White is right, we've seen the bleaching ads and dealt with the self hatred of wanting to be lighter and having manageable hair. They can search for anyone and get anyone from any race because having a white girl on your arm is the goal, especially for some men of color. We get “fierce” and “werk it girl,” they get "stunning," "gorgeous," "jaw droppingly beautiful." We get “I've never fucked a [insert non-white whatever] girl before,” they get "stunning," "gorgeous," "jaw droppingly beautiful." And another thing about this shit is if I find a dude who isn't out to fulfill some black girl fetish, I have to worry about whether or not his family will accept me. My in-laws were amazing about this and never had an issue with my husband and I being an interracial couple but not everyone is as cool and open.

Deep sigh. You know what, I'll just eat pizza, pizza never lets me down.

(And don't get mad, white feminists. But hey, if you write an angry article about it, you can get tons of mileage and maybe end up on Anderson Cooper or become Tumblr famous for a day.)

Dani O is a new guest contributor to Within Color.  Welcome!

Interesting Things You Might Have Missed: The Asian(American) Edition

Since I only post every other week, I try to alternate between outfit posts and more serious, thought-provoking (I hope) cultural posts. Today's post is of the latter-variety.

Sometimes I feel really helpless when I'm inundated by thoughtful critiques of how Asian(Americans) have been marginalized today/in history/overall. I like to give myself a 1-2 day media breather just so I can try to remind myself that 1. I'm lucky to be alive; 2. There are still a lot of really great people and I'm so glad to be surrounded by them; 3. There is a lot to be done and I need to be more involved. If you are like me and need a little catch-up on your news, critique, and interesting tidbits, here is what you missed in the Asian(American) world:

1. From Race Files: Why Are Asians So Racist?

Image courtesy of Race Files

I thought this was such an interesting read and has given me some really good food for thought. I get asked a lot this question and the other question that Racefiles answers (using historical information no less!): why do Asians stick with other Asians? This answer is much easier to answer (similar struggles/easier to relate, etc) but the former always stumped me. My favorite paragraph (but I urge you to read the entire thing):

Newly arrived immigrants assimilate a culture in which it is business as usual for American authority figures to arbitrarily pick out black people and treat them like criminals. It’s not that hard to see why many reach the conclusion that black people are prone to criminality, a racist impression that will be reinforced by TV, conservative politicians, movies, and popular music. But we all consume these same messages. So are Asians more racist? I doubt it. Instead, I argue we are less subtle because we often don’t understand the accepted racial etiquette. And keep in mind, that etiquette tends to make racism more rather than less difficult to combat by forcing it underground.

What's In A Name?

Source: Business Insider

A few weeks ago, an aircraft went down in San Francisco. It was a tragedy, no one can argue, but when I found out it was Asiana, I held my breath. I knew there was going to be trouble.

Anytime a tragedy is in any way racial, i.e. not about a white person, the tragedy becomes ABOUT how non-white it is. First there were the jokes: Asians can’t drive, therefore they crashed the plane. Asians have small eyes, therefore they crashed the plane. Did you hear about the one where Korean-Americans live in a culture of deference and that’s why the plane crashed?

The sad thing is I’m not surprised. What ended up being surprising was what followed: releasing fake, obviously racist “names” of the Asiana pilots on TV. Sum Ting Wong? Ho Lee Fuk? This was shit I got in 5th grade when white kids would pull their eyes back, bow at me, and say with an “Asian” accent that my name was Ho Lee Fuk because, get it? My last name is Lee.

Many people have debated whether or not this was a simple tasteless joke or something racist, more serious. You don’t see anyone else fucking up Zach Galifianakis’s name or thinking Zsa Zsa Gabor is a weird name. So why is it okay to mimic Asian names?

Featured in a CNN article, Paul Cheung and Bobby Calvan of the Asian American Journalists Association wrote: "Making up Asian names or mimicking foreign accents are not innocent forms of satire. Doing so demeans and hurts."

My parents gave me a Chinese name and an English name. Vivian means lively. 李慧文 means many things. Separately 慧 means intelligence; 文 means literature, the written language. 李 has so much legacy behind it that it has its own Wikipedia page! Needless to say, my mom basically dictated my personality and interests before I even knew it. But in all seriousness, by making fun of Chinese names (or Asian names and any “ethnic” name for that matter) is to Other me, is to erase my history, my culture, my language. Not only is it my history, but it’s the sad history of Asian-American immigration.

According to Gary Okihiro, the founding director of the Center for Study of Ethnicity and Race at Columbia University, the mocking of Asian names dates back to when immigrants started arriving in the United States. "In the 19th century, many immigration officials who first greeted Asian migrants demeaned them, by first of all, making fun of their names because they couldn't pronounce them properly, or assigning them names like John Chinaman or China Mary," he said.

"Anything foreign seems to be open season or free game," continues Okihiro. When even a professional television news broadcast is airing shit like this, well ain’t that the truth.

Cultural Appropriation, Part Two.

X

Here on Within Color, we've had so many discussions on cultural appropriation (see two great posts from Alicia and Vivian here), but it's still an issue that is easily overlooked or forgotten by many and even some of us POC due to the bastardization of ethnic prints, styles, and patterns by large and popular corporate stores (even smaller local boutiques)! It's a slippery slope in which it leads to thinking, "Well, it must be okay! Forever 21 and Asos do it!" Except it's not. There's still so much confusion about it, so the purpose of this post is to just hopefully clear the clouds on it a little more.

I currently subscribe to Who What Wear, an online fashion and beauty magazine that sends out daily newsletters touching on beauty looks, products, celebrity outfits, street styles, trends, etc. Created by two white women, it is as you would expect, not inclusive and inconsiderate of culture, ethnicity, and race. While I enjoy WWW from time to time, it's why I love WC and why contributor Michelle created it. Not to toot our own horn here, because while we have made mistakes, we do try incredibly hard to be respectful of all cultures and ethnicities and races and to keep our own privileges in check. And in cases where we haven't, we have owned up to our misgivings and mistakes without excuses. There are so many blogs out there who put fashion as their first priority without thinking of the implications of their choices, while we strive to put inclusivity and respect as our first priority above all else, even as a fashion and beauty blog. What I like to think makes us different is that we keep conscious of race, culture, and ethnicity in mind in all of our posts.

Cultural Appropriation: A conversation

Images courtesy of Sanaa Hamid 

"Tom" (Left): "It's not religious to me but an expression of colour and print--something Beautiful."
"Unknown Sikh Man" (Right): "My turban is for honour, self-respect...It is our identity as Sikhs. To wear it for fashion...that is wrong."

A few weeks ago, my fellow WC contributor Alicia wrote a very good introduction post to cultural appropriation so I thought it would be fitting to elaborate, expand, and discuss it further here now. What better way to do it than with a WOC artist who is exploring it herself?

I came across this art project by UK photographer Sanaa Hamid called "Cultural Appropriation: A Conversation." The project is "an exploration of the extent of cultural appropriation and encourages a discussion about it." Juxtaposing two photos, Sanaa gives the appropriator and the appropriated the "opportunity to defend themselves." 

Click the cut to see more of Sanaa's project and to read a very insightful interview I did with the artist. 

English Only!

Just this past week, I was venting to a fellow contributor about the sorts of demands my mom regularly receives as a Vietnamese nail technician, more specifically - the demand for beauty sessions to be a strict English Only zone as a means of comfort for paranoid white customers. And then a few days ago,  I learned that Whole Foods suspended two employees at a New Mexico location for speaking Spanish during work hours, which is laughable and ironic in itself considering NM has the highest percentage of Spanish speakers in the country as well as constitutional laws and regulations that protect the language. Whole Foods has since aggressively responded to the uproar on social media with the predictable justification for their actions with reasons such as, "for consistent communication, inclusion, and especially for safety and emergency situations". Shameful! In light of this situation, my mom, and the multitude of other speakers who are continuously reprimanded for the use of their native languages in professional settings, this post serves as my own personal rebuttal to the same xenophobic bullshit reasons I so often hear.

BC

Last summer, someone who is very important to me miscarried her baby. She was 28 years old and it would have been her sixth child. I brought her to the post-miscarriage follow-up appointment and sat beside her while she gave the details of what happened. It saddened me so deeply to hear how it was so emotionally and physically painful, but I can't lie and say that I wasn't a little heartbroken to hear that she had been trying to conceive. Her partner was not a nice person and he treated her like crap, hence me being the one in that doctor's office with her. While I was there, I asked the doctor to talk about birth control options -- maybe that wasn't my place, but I really felt like I absolutely had to. Her response to the question, "has anyone ever talked to you about your birth control options" almost made me fall out of my chair and onto the floor. No one had.

I was present when her first child was born. I cut the umbilical cord and it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. She was only 16, and I keep wondering, if someone had talked to her about birth control then ... what would her life be like now? It's a sensitive subject for me because it's this giant vicious cycle in the community I've been raised in where there are so many babies having babies. Often times, children are brought up in over-worked, single-parent households, or have absent biological parents with other family members raising the baby. It was a similar case of how I was raised, how the gal in my story was raised and how her children will be raised. 

In my opinion, it seems that my culture (mostly referring to Catholic and Mexican) has made it more acceptable to have a baby at a young age (or just unprepared)  than to promote safe sex. My parents are really conservative, more traditional, Mexican-Catholics. However, since they were both very, very young when they had children and knew how hard it was to raise a child, work, go to school, etc ... they always stressed the importance of knowing my options when it came to birth control. For educating me without judgement, and for overcoming their Catholic beliefs for my sexual safety-- I am eternally grateful. 

I've done a little bit of research, in case you or someone you know would like more information and birth control resources:

The Affordable Care Act (from National Women's Law Center)

Birth Control Options (from Planned Parenthood)

Get Tested! (from Planned Parenthood)
If you're in the Northern, CAfor area (Women's Health Specialists)
Help women Globally (Global Fund for Women)

I have Kaiser through my work and was pleasantly surprised to find that fees and co-pays for STD exams, pap smears, birth control, female sterilization services, family planning counseling and other women's health services are waived. If you have health care insurance, it might be beneficial to check it again after the Affordable Care Act has passed.

As a quick parting note, I wish more more WoC in the media spotlight would promote the importance of safe sex. I remember being really young and watching Left Eye wearing a condom on her face and thinking that the statement was so badass. I've watched a few interviews of TLC and their fashion statement and I didn't like how they had to preface their message with, "we're not promoting sex" (although, I think that was to cover themselves against critics), but I did appreciate them saying that they wanted to stop the shame of wanting to protect your body from disease and unwanted pregnancy.  

If you have any resources or tips or advice to add, please let me know. Also, I'd be interested in knowing how the issue of safe sex is handled in your culture. 

The Least Summery Summer Dress and Other Reflections

Today's high in New York City was 93 degrees (no, not 98 Degrees), which is, in my opinion, the worst thing ever.  My dress code at work is less strict than many other places and I am incredibly grateful for this.  However, today was one of those days that made me wonder when Business Casual Underwear will ever become A Thing.

Dress: Forever 21 / Belt: Necessary Clothing / Flats: Zara / Lipstick: NARS Heat Wave

It doesn't exactly scream "carefree summer," but I was really just kind of aiming for "work appropriate and sufficiently stretchy."  At this point I'm starting to feel like I'm taking you guys on a trip through Val's Favorite Black Articles of Clothing and Animal Print Accessories, to be quite honest.  Once upon a time, I ran another (now defunct) fashion blog.  At the time, I wore semi-obnoxious pieces every day and I loved it.  Electric blue tank tops, watercolor print skirts, a whole lotta everything -- I didn't necessarily take it to gold lamé jumpsuit levels, but if it was an affront to your aesthetic sensibilities, I probably loved it.  My style is still growing and changing, naturally, yet I still gravitate towards statement pieces, but a lot of my confidence has waned over the last couple of years for a couple of reasons.

I know I promised a Serious Post and this won't be as serious as it could be and it also isn't necessarily going to be one centered on race or ethnicity, although those certainly play a part.  It's still hard for me to write about this stuff so publicly, but I'm considering it part of my self-care.

Consider this a trigger warning as the second half of this post talks about self-perception and body image.  There are no numbers (regarding weight) or specific details regarding eating habits, but the rest of the post will be under a cut, just in case.

Happy To Be Hapa

Enjoying the California sun + What I left in the JANM: Visible & Invisible Guest Book

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to take a quick trip home to Los Angeles for some much needed rest and relaxation.  I’ll spare you the details of all the delicious food I consumed - but suffice to say it was plentiful and I ate everything.

While home, my buddy informed me of an exhibition going on at the Japanese American National Museum: Visible & Invisible: A Hapa Japanese American History.  I couldn’t resist checking it out - it is not too often (re: ever) that I hear about exhibitions entirely dedicated to us hapas, and it sounded awesome.

Cultural Cuisines

Summer's coming, and for most of us, it might already feel like it's here. I went down to San Diego last weekend, and the high was 95 that day! Unbelievable. The latter of this week has been cool mid 70s (still below my ideal temperature though), but the beginning of this week was almost unbearable at mid 90s. I like warm, but not that warm. For some reason which is unbeknownst to me, my family loves eating Phở, bún riêu, and bánh canh cua, as well as other types of noodle soups in the summer, on the hottest days of the year. We'll all sweat furiously, but we'll do it while enjoying the hell out of our dishes.

I love many types of foods, so I am a never ending eating machine, but I love Vietnamese cuisine the best. For me, nothing compares, and nothing tops homemade Vietnamese food.

Top left: Phở; Top right: Wonton noodle soup

Bottom left: Chow mein with crispy shelled shrimp; Bottom right: Cơm tấm

Now that I no longer live at home, I crave home cooked meals everyday. I miss rice, soup before or after my meals, dishes beautifully prepared with years of knowledge and experience and no need for measuring cups/spoons.

Everyone Needs Pink Pants

On my way home from the Bay Area this weekend, I stopped by a little river town by the name of Locke on Highway 160 just for the hell of it. Locke is especially a little gem to me because it was built exclusively for the Chinese, by the Chinese. The original buildings from the early 1900's still stand today, including a gambling hall, boarding house, and medicinal shop. Ironically, most of its present day residents are predominately white and only a few Chinese people still reside there, but it's still one of my favorite spots (and Toni's!) in the Sacramento County.

While there, I noticed a flyer for an Asian Pacific Spring Festival happening this upcoming weekend and it brought forward some thoughts about community involvement. In my area, we have South Sac aka Little Vietnam/Little Saigon - a Viet/Chinese community filled with boba houses, banh mi shops, and more pho restaurants than you could ever imagine. My dad and I always talk about the resources Asian immigrants now have access to in Sacramento compared to those who immigrated before the 2000's. Job placement programs, free English workshops, low income legal and financial help, etc. These programs are especially dear to me as an first gen immigrant and I feel really proud to live near such a culturally rich area with such an abundance of resources.

When it comes to my own community involvement, I feel hindered because I don't read or write Vietnamese fluently, despite it being my first language. I have this irrational thought in my head that involves Viet activists judging me for somehow not being in tune enough with Viet culture and language. Completely irrational - I know, but this comes from years of backhanded compliments from white people regarding my "whitewashed" characteristics (another post for another time). If you're involved in your community, tell me about how you got started and your current projects!

top: forever 21 // bottoms: joe fresh // sandals: contributor by rachel comey  for UO // bag: vintage coach 

I've been loving the idea of loose pants for the upcoming summer months and have been looking for a black pair similar to Val's in this post, but came across this coral pink pair instead. They're definitely one of the most ridiculous items in my closet, which probably says a lot about my wardrobe (I am not a risk taker), but they are amazing and I now need/want a black pair more than ever. I wish the color of these pants translated better over the computer screen, but it was reeeeally bright out and my phone was just Not Having It when it came to photos. 

And to wrap up this post, here are some links and material goods I'm loving this week:

1) Short little article on David Tran, founder of the beloved Srirarcha hot sauce. So proud!!!
2) One of my favorite fashion bloggers, Faintly Masculine, looking flawless as usual in a leather jacket and stripes.
3) Angela Davis and Assata Shakur's (first woman on FBI's Most Wanted List) lawyers' commentary about the events surrounding this exiled activist and the sudden declaration of her as a "terrorist".
4) Journalist Kathryn Joyce dwells deeper on the trend of contagious adoption culture in the Christian Right community. This seems relevant in the blogging world, where every other blog seems to consist of young 20 something year old White Christians and their picturesque adopted children/lives.
5) Really loving these floral shorts here (only $18 bucks!) and here. 

In Defense of My Hapa-Ness

A Quick Guide on What Not to Say to Mixed People (and/or Anyone Else)

Sunglasses: Jil Sander // Coat: Aritzia // Shirt: Old Navy

Disclaimer: The list below is definitely not exclusive to mixed people and there is a ton of overlap with things many POC hear all the time.  It is also by no means all-encompassing.  I tried to limit it to a few general statements that I, and other mixed people, receive frequently!

Happy Birthday Selena

I want to talk about this beautiful creature. 

Selena Quintanilla was from my hometown and will always hold a special place in my heart. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the tumblr-esque fandom surrounding her now. At the same time I can't tell if it is just because I am from South Texas or if she has transcended into the sea-punk, ironic Blingee realm of the internet. Guest Poster Jackie said it seemed like people/clubs were "cashing in on a trend and not actually authentic."

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Not to say I am the authority on all things Selena, but she has been a big part of my life since I was little. I remember going to the Selena museum and buying my favorite cheesy 90's maroon, textured shirt when I was 8 or 9. Or getting drunk with my friends and moving my futon on my front law to sing her songs at 3 AM.

Even now, her style is something that I try to emulate to some degree. If only I was as flaw free as her. 

I wish she was here today. I truly believe she would have been a major actor in some of the Latino movements that are happening (i.e. immigration, DREAM Act, etc).

I will leave you with one of my favorite songs by her.

Black Everything

Earlier today, my sister and I walked past an elderly asian man with giant speckled green eyes and immediately turned to each other to say, "Man, if only we were half white..." After that moment, I felt off the rest of the day. I felt gross. I felt irrational. I felt guilt. I couldn't stop thinking about Mr. Green Eyes and the sentiment of feeling more beautiful if only I had more western features. I also felt ashamed, ashamed that my baby sister felt similarly (was this my influence?) and ashamed to be romanticizing people of mixed backgrounds. I know better.

It's especially hard on days like this when I'm reminded of my old thought process that White Is Better. Internalized racism is a prevalent issue within the Vietnamese community (and of course, many others) and also a topic I'm not used to or even like discussing due to shame and guilt. It may seem awful of me to say, but I sometimes sympathize with POC who don't seem to "get it" yet. You know, the kind of poc that like to reaffirm problematic white behavior. It took a lot of hard work to get to the point of where I am today - comfortable with who I am and damn proud to be Viet, but I cringe thinking of teenage me - a girl who let white peers get away with racist jokes and jabs, a girl who found nothing problematic with being the token POC in her social circle, a girl whose internalized racism ran so deep she didn't even realize it. And this is what I'm getting at, it continues to be an ongoing battle and a vicious cycle of self acceptance and hatred. I'm not sure if it'll ever truly get easier.

My thoughts are all over the place in this post and my outfit feels sloppy (leggings as pants? how remarkable. I AM SORRY), but I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. I feel completely out of it because I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. On a more personal note, I anxiously waited at an Amtrak station for nearly 3 hours this morning to say hi to my partner for a whopping five minutes while his train stopped in Sacramento to let more passengers on. 5 minutes in 2 months! I'm sure some of you ladies in LDR's can commiserate.